Why: Part 2
There is a second part to this that gives it more context as to why I’m doing taking this assignment.Two years ago this time I had been laid off from my second well paying software job in two years. I was 15 days away from my car being repossessed, 22 days away from the bank starting forclosure proceedings on my home and 32 days away from the love of my life telling me she found someone else. These events conspired to destroy the core of what I considered to be my existence. Needless to say two years ago I was as low as one could possibly be. There was no one to talk to. None of my friends had been through anything like this and no one could help me financially. I was several thousands of dollas in the hole and I couldn’t have gotten that kind of capital from anyone that was close to me. My credit was destroyed from two years of layoffs and bad money management skills. I had never in my life felt so alone. I wouldn’t wish what happened to me to happen to anyone.
When I hit the lowest point I made a pledge to myself to NEVER be broke again whatever it takes. I know that there are fates worse than death. Having no hope for your own future is one of them. Money is more than power, money is freedom. The reason we love and hate celebrities is because they have money. Not for the money itself but for the freedom it provides them to do what the fuck they want to do.
I also made a second pledge that pledge was if I ever had to make a choice between being broke and being alone, I choose being alone. Trust me when you are broke it won’t take much longer before you are alone. It maybe true when you have money you may have to question why people are with you. But, the way I see it, it is way better to question why people are with you as opposed to why they left you.
But, let’s not let that get in the way of why I’m putting all this out for people to see. I just want you all to view this in the proper context. In the past two years I have just barely be able to crawl out of the hole of devastating debt and bad credit. Having a string of devastating losses really retooled my personality and outlook on life. That’s why this job (on a broad level) isn’t that bad off for me. Many people don’t know why I would do this but to be where I was and to understand that sense of loss and hopelessness makes it easier to understand why I would do that.
But, I don’t know anyone who was were I was so….
posted by Unknown at 11:30 PM
1 Comments:
When you are in that hole, it is so bad. People think it's only money, you still have your life and health, like you can just brush yourself off and get back up again, easy. But when you have no money and only debt, and you lose everything you did have because of it, the empty feeling you have is... hopeless. You feel worthless to the core. You can't really describe the feeling so that anyone could understand, they'd have to have been there themselves.
You know what I find? When you look back on it once you are out of that place, it's like a dream. Looking back is like watching a movie, a horror movie maybe, like you look at the scenes and it's horrible, but it's like it was never actually real somehow. While you know what it was like and how bad it was, it's almost hard to remember actually HOW bad it was, what it felt like at the time. Because it was THAT bad.
But experiencing that place makes you stronger and more determined than ever, once you are out of it.
But it is a bad bad place to be at when you are there. I wouldn't wish it on anybody. Hell, it's enough to drive someone to the point they'd go to Iraq!!
xo
A.
Tuesday, April 12, 2005 6:23:00 PM
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