Welcome to Yankee Airlines

My Marine handlers were cool. One guy was from south Florida black dude he was cool and the other guy was from NY and looked like Pee Wee Herman with a 9mm. I was there for a long time until they got me a flight out. I don't get on my plane until 10:00pm.

There were a whole bunch of Marines on board - it looked like something out of Black Hawk Down or some shit like that. There were two windows and I was pissed that I wasn't sitting by one I was hoping to see some explosions or something. At any rate landing was a trip - the plane falls, then banks right, then banks, left, rises up tilts 180 then comes back the other way 180 and does a whole bunch of other stuff. This is all to make itself a harder target to hit but it comes off like riding every ride at Six Flags all at once.

I get off the plane man I have about 5 bags of shit well the plane was still running so when you jump off you get blasted by the engines and I almost fell over. Then we had to hump about a 1/4 mile to the base station.

I was met by another handler. He told me that I needed to catch a helo to my next point and they need to get me on the manifest. He asked me if I was hungry and I was like yea. He said let me find you some MREs and then I went to the bathroom. When I came back from the bathroom the Major was like "hurry up we got a helo heading to your next location now." So I'm like
ok he hands me some MREs and says stand behind these guys. I look around the corner and was like, "What the fuck!"

I'm the only American passenger on this Blackhawk with a bunch of fucking Iraqi soldiers! I was like fuck no, this cannot be fucking happening. So anyway I get on the helo I get strapped in. And for some reason I recite the Lord's Prayer. That was weird because I've never said it before and I knew the entire thing but, I figure if this God thing works it needs to kick in right about now.

The Iraqis come in after me and then they buckle up and get ready to take off. Let me tell you about riding in a combat heliocopter they leave all the hatches open and then gunners (as you would suspect) have their gun perches open. It is cold as fuck inside that helo. Everyone has their own window to look out of. I realize I have a window to the back of my head someone can shoot me. I'm like fuck.

That wasn't the worst part the worst part is this Iraqi motherfucker next to me start rubbing on my foot with his foot. At first I'm like maybe this motherfucker just needs some space so I move my foot. So then this motherfucker does it again, so I move again. Then about 3 minutes later he does that shit again. I've been in the 8th grade I know fucking footsie when I feel it. So I move again this time I'm running out of space. So I'm like if this motherfucker touches me again it's on.
He does that shit again and I'm like "Motherfucker you need to stop that shit!" He can't really hear me because it's loud as hell on the helo and he doesn't understand English but he knew I was talking to his ass. Thank God, right after that we land.

So then I have to carry that entire heavy shit again and on top of that it's pitch black outside. Everyone is pretty much trained on how to work in the dark. I've been here for three days and I'm way better at it. But that night I couldn't see shit. The only time I could see something is when a tank(s?) fired off two rounds in the distance that shit was bright as hell and far away because when a shell is being launched you can see everything. In the LZ they don't speak they only talk by lights they will flash the lights and then you can go or whatever. It helps if you know the procedure. I didn't.

So anyways, they come and pull me and my stuff off the LZ and then ask me where I'm going. I have no idea so they call in a bus and transport me to the reception house and then they don't know where I belong so they tell me to stuff my gear in the reception house and then move me to general quarters.

About 5 minutes later a pair of marines come in and say, "Is there a Tommie Hustle here?"

I say, "Yes."



And one marine says, "Get your gear sir you are coming with me."

We went to the command center and then I FINALLY get some chow. I talk to the Marine he is from Iowa and he just came back for another tour. He said the money is really good too good to pass up and he doesn't have the credit rating to be a military contractor (You need like AAA credit or something like that).

I get in a Suburban and then they send me to my office and I meet my team members. One guy is named Ken Obi, he is about 50 and the other guy is named Kit, his birthday was on the 9th and he turned 31. He was pretty cool but I only chilled with him for about 2 days. I am his replacement. The guy had 5300 rap songs on his hard drive. I mean this guy was deep in it. So we talked for a bit and then I went to sleep - I didn't get to bed until 6:30 in the morning.