This is Tommie - Practice Common Sense.

My Dad knew what time it was and was hell bent on keeping me away from shaming the family by knocking some chick up. Well his desire to keep me from sex ran counter to my desire to have sex. So we were locked in mortal combat for the good part of the next 2 years. He would make curfews and I would summarily break them. I would get yelled at then grounded and the cycle would repeat itself about once a month. See what my Dad didn't understand (Or maybe he did) was this was the first time that people actually liked me and with ridding myself of the soul sucking blight of Jason gave me as sense of confidence that I had never felt before I was high off the power. Looking back on it the old coot was right. I mean it really is a matter of respect you don’t go around fucking in people’s homes if you want to do that you get your own place. I can see the old man’s logic today but back then I was young and horny I didn’t have time for his nilly-willy “life lessons”. “Outta my way Pops! I got sausage links to deliver!

My Dad would go about setting up series of traps. He would mark my car tires with chalk to see if it had moved. He designed these wild cable and pulley systems to make noise when I opened the door alerting him to what time I EXACTLY came in the house. And all other sorts of wild contraptions, I think I was driving him insane.

Well, at when December came I turned 17 on Dec 17th so I was going to party like it was 1999. So when New Year's Eve came along my Dad told me to be home by 1:15am. In hindsight PLENTY of time more than enough time to be honest with you. Even today I'm rarely out of the house after 1:15 am. I could see in his face that he had drawn a line in the sand well guess what old man I can draw lines too. So what time does my stupid ass come home?

About 3:30 am.

Well that's not the bad part, I come around the corner and I see that the lights are on downstairs and the TV is on. That means that my Dad is up. I was like fuck! To be god honest all that happened that night was that I feel asleep over there and I woke up late. I wasn't drinking or anything. I didn't drink until I got to college there was no way I'd even think about drinking near my Dad. So here is the kicker. I come in the house and my Dad is sitting on the sofa in his underwear and he says to me, “Where have you been son?”

What was my response? Out.
On top of that I said it in a tone that was like don't question what I do old man.

That was my first, worst, and last mistake.

My Dad jumped across the sofa like a black underwear ninja or something. You’d be shocked at how strong and spry an enraged 40 year-old man can be. I know I was. He either grabbed me by my neck or my shirt or lifted me up to the ceiling. I don't really remember it was all a blur. I do remember him lifting me off the ground and then he started yelling something I don't really know. I passed out from pure fear. When I woke up I was in my bed I don't know how I got there or what all I know is that my brother said to me, “Tommie I don't know what you did but Dad kicked your ass.”

So later on that day we had our traditional New Years' Day supper. My Dad as usual did his basic prayer where he thanked God for us making it together as a family one more year and that he continue his blessings on us for the next year. Then he finished by saying and God; please don't make me kick my son's ass next year like I did this year.

After that I was grounded for 3 months. I had been grounded before and I had been yelled at before but this time the old coot was serious. I didn't really expect him to stick to his word on that one. I figured that he would go on for a week or two and then it would be all over. No dice, this guy was harder than a diamond racquetball court. One other thing about my family we like to play with each other and in our house everyone takes turns being it. It's all in good fun, unless it's your turn. Well my Dad had this caveat that I couldn't drive but if any of my buddies wanted to come over and pick me up they could. Every now and again my girlfriend would come by and drop off a sundae or something but she was given implicit instructions to not drive anywhere with me. My Dad thought of everything. Well the bastard knew I didn't have any fucking friends with a car. So I just going to school and work for 3 months and that's it. I don't remember much about that time besides the fact that I couldn't wait till April 1st.