Reality Check

I am at a trade show where different government contractors are showing off there latest and greatest in C2 (Command and Control). and I’ve just gotten my first real reality check. I was talking the Marine Colonel who is the project manager for the product I support. He said to me very bluntly, “Thank you very much for supporting us. Now then when you get in theater don't get yourself killed.”

I replied in typical geekdom, "That's not in my plans."

He said, “It wasn't in anyone's plans who didn't make it back son.”

It was the type of morbid humor that only comes from a person that sees death as an everyday event. That changed my attitude about the situation. I went from normal geek glory hound that was excited to "play" solider to someone that realized that he has a job to do and that literally people’s lives were at stake based on my ability to succeed. It was no longer a talking point so much so that I don't even discuss the job anymore. It’s less of a badge of honor and more of a cross that I have to bear. I realized in that conversation that fathers, mothers, brothers, sisters, uncles, aunts, husbands and wives depend on me getting it right. That kind of responsibility is humbling. In a sense I’m honored and terrified about what I do.

Getting it wrong cost lives.