Hey ladies! I'm going to need you to liberate your racks before I liberate Iraq.

I went home after last night and took a shower and just kind of chilled. I was tired as hell and wasn't really pressed to do anything. I got a call from this Persian girl I know and she wanted to hang for a bit, I thought about it but, I wasn't in a mood to spend so I told her I was cool on that (In hindsight I probably should have). I hang with this biker club and I get up with T-Money and we head over to this party it was ok. I mean I tell you these bikers keep some nice looking women and this was no different. A pair of Mexican hotties opened the door I think they were cute I really couldn't tell my eyes didn't get past the D cups in their low cut blouses. There were drinks, food, a DJ and typical merriment. For the first time in probably three weeks I didn't drink. Not that I wasn't in the mood to I just didn't I couldn't tell you why. Well anyway the word gets out that I'm heading to Iraq in a week and this is my last day in town. I get more of that brave and hero bullshit then the host comes up to me and says, "Dude, are you going to Iraq for real?"

I nod yes and then he says, "Well dude we need to get you a going away present." He tells this bad ass broad to come over to us and he tells her my story and then she goes off rambling about bravery and honor and all that then he says "Get a few of your friends together and I want you all to take him in the back and show him your tits, is that cool with you dude?"

"Uh, yeah (some questions shouldn't be asked).”

I look at T-Money and he looks at me like, "Damn, you lucky."

Well about 30 minutes later she comes back with two other bad broads and says are you ready. I say, "Yeah, it's cool, whatever." (You have to stay cool in fortuitous situations), "So what about my partner can he come too?"

He says, "Naw man just you."

I look at T-Money like I'm sorry that he can't make it but I'm really not.

So they take me in a back room and of course show me the goods. I have to say this these ladies had six of the most perfect breasts I have seen. You can't be mad at that quality and ladies I must salute you. You ladies are the true patriots you sacrifice won't be forgotten (especially on lonely nights).

Well after that the party got kind of boring for me. While I love to look at biker girls talking to them is a different story. So we head out to a club downtown. The stylist I was trying to kick it with works down there part time and I was going to pick up this talisman she made for me. But, by the time I get there she is already gone. I call her and her she has a buddy that works the door and lets me and my buddies in for free but not before she gives me the you are so noble and brave talk (I love how people quickly craft their own reality). Then I get an overwhelming sense of dread. I’m looking at these assclowns, busters, and hoochies in the club and I’m thinking I’m going overseas to protect their freedom to be assholes and bitches.

I think to myself maybe we would have felt better if Bin Laden would have targeted places with more asshole in them like this club. I get frustrated with the place quickly. My people are ready to dip and then we head over to the stylist’s house so I can pick up this talisman. I get to her house and she is knocked out. She ambles her way in the house and tells give me this pouch with some collection of roots and other magical spells I don’t know how it works. Even though she is sleepy I can still see that worry on her face I mean through all this she is the only one who has consistently voiced her opinion on this, she wears her feelings on her shirt and it’s funny to me so I give her a kiss on the forehead and I tell her I’ll be safe and she tells me hey don’t be a hero and I leave. Then we head back home and I spend the rest of the night at T-Money’s house. I just didn’t feel like being at my house on my last night in town. You would think that I would have some lady to see or someone to want me to be with them on my last night but this is Phoenix. If you are someone like me life isn’t that lucky (or normal).