From the Peanut gallery - 12/24/2004

Keep those questions coming it one of the things that I really enjoy. Thanks to all the people that shoot me emails. I really have to take time to really thank a friend of mine named Sara. She shot me an email when I was feeling a bit lonely so that was really cool.

Q:
Well email me about the mood with this latest bombing?

A:
Uncomfortable, but this is combined with the general pall that has enveloped the base. As it has gotten closer to Christmas the stress of this place is really coming to a fever pitch. You know how people are supposed to get more cheery well it’s the polar opposite around here. People are cussing at people more, they are gruffer, and there is a level of depression that just weighs in the air. We have Hajies all around in here they do all sorts of work so they are all around everyone is on edge because we are sleeping with the enemy and you just don’t know which one wants to kill you today. It’s sad in a broad way that those that just want to get a check are getting hassled. Better you than me sucker.

Back to the original question no one wants to die but it’s the operational hazard. There are signs around here that read “Complacency Kills” it up to everyone around here to not be complacent.

One thing I would like to say is the media is unfair to the contractors that are out here. You know who those four contractors where? Cooks. They were fucking cooks they are there saying hey would you like more rice with that? BOOM! and it’s over. It’s sad to me I mean these are the people that served you food in your high school cafeteria. I mean for me I’m out here for one reason and one reason alone. Greed. For others it’s not that easy some people are really out here trying to support their family. I know people in my corner view Halliburton as the evil empire and on an overall level I can agree with you. When you see it on a person level it’s not the same. These weren’t greedy executives rolling around in dirty 100-dollar bills, tooting coke. They were cooks and food service people, good old everyday average Americans and some good people that lost their lives. I just wish the media spent time explaining to the American people about the Americans that do come out here to work. Not people like me I’m in cahoots but people that just want to make a living.

Q:
How does it feel to be a grown up?

A:
If you ask any of my ex-girls they would tell you I never grew up. HA, HA, HA! Most times it feels pretty damn good. It feels bad when you realize you can only depend on yourself. The only difference between being an adult and a child is they remove the safety net, they just don’t tell you when.

Q:
What the hell does morally ambiguous mean?

A:
My judgment of the goodness or badness of human action and character is open to more than one interpretation. I don’t believe in good and evil in the traditional terms. I mean I know evil when I see it (i.e. when a person is denied access from a product they legally and rightfully purchased) and I know good when I see it. But in general I don’t see situations as good or evil I just see them as situations. What I do believe in is the Law of Self-Preservation:

1. A person will do whatever is necessary to continue his or her own existence.
2. A person will do whatever is necessary to live at his or her own level of comfort.

To achieve that people will lie, steal, kill, hook, or get regular 9 to 5. After those two requirements are met then people will apply abstracts like respect, kindness, honor, and liberty.

Q:
What do want to do when you get back?

A:
You know, I haven’t really thought about it. I haven’t been here long enough to miss anything. I mean I know I’ll go home and spend time with my family. I guess I would like to get some of my partners together and we might take a road trip or something. I don’t have any definite plans. I never do.
Q:
You ready to come home yet?

A.
What home? I don’t have a home. I mean I have an address in the states that’s where I live its not home. Home is more than that. I don’t view home in the same way you do. I don’t have a childhood home like you do. I didn’t go to Grandma’s every Christmas. As matter of fact the first time I lived in the same house for Christmas for more than 5 years I was 20. Even at that I had been out of that house for 2.5 years. I’ve never physically lived at the same address for more than 4 years. I could say yes I miss my family but, guess what? I haven’t seen them on a daily basis in the last 13 years so for me being in Iraq or being in Phoenix is about the same, emotionally. For me there isn’t much to miss (not yet at least). As I read this it sounds colder than I mean to sound I know that. I’m a military brat we don’t make long-term connections. We have a get up and go lifestyle that goes for people, places, and things.

Q:
What is your biggest regret??

A:
I tend to not regret things in my life. Everything happens for a reason. But, if I could choose one thing I wish I had been more honest with my ex-fiancé. She didn’t deserve the ride I took her on.

Q:
How do the soldiers feel about Rumsfield’s Auto-Signed Sympathy Letters?

A:
They don’t. I can only speak for the ones I’ve spoken to I’m sure people around vary. But, in general they don’t care if he signs them or not. They have a feeling like “Guess what? I’m fucking dead. Who cares if he signed anything?” They aren’t moved by such actions to them it’s trivial it’s not they know the guy or anything. Plus they are like the guy has a regular job he has other things to do besides signing letters all day. Again, It’s part of the morbid humor that only comes from people that are trained to kill. Me I see it different but I can see their point. If you are dead do the people that are left really care about that sheet of paper or how it was signed? For some it gives a sense of closure but you still have that giant hole of having a loved one ripped from your life. If that paper and they way it was signed fills that hole then that solider probably wasn’t a loved one.

Q:
Did someone actually ask you to marry her?

A:
Yes. Let me explain this one because my inbox got blown up on that one. It was an inside joke. Before I left, people asked me what would it take for me to not go to Iraq and I said if I had a wife and kids then I wouldn’t even have considered it. So I got several variants of let’s get married or I’ll have a kid for you. And every time I talked to some of them they would say ready to get married yet?

Anyone that knows me knows I’m not really marriage material. I’d probably be a way better parent than husband. If I could have a kid and not get married or have to pay child support then that would be gravy.

Q:
Do you believe in love at first sight?

A:
100%. That’s the easy part but no one asks if you believe in love at sight 20,173.