Outside the wire.

Today was Mahi-Mahi's first time outside the wire. I could look at him and I could tell that he was nervous. I mean I've been outside the wire several times and it is an unexplainable feeling of apprehension. I just looked at him, he is out here trying to stack up some chips for his wedding. Any rational man will ask himself is this really worth it.

I think the most surreal moment is when everyone around you goes to condition one. That is probably the only time I wish I had a weapon. Well in general I wish I had a weapon outside the wire, not that I need it for what I do. But, I know that the Marines have a different mentality when we get to the wire. I mean at least loading a weapon gives you something to do.

The thing that is funny is that he looked like I probably did the first time I crossed the wire. It was a real passing of the baton moment for me. Now it was time for me to be there for someone else and give them the impression that everything is ok and going directly into a warzone is ok. He is ex-Army and did some time in Bosnia. But, nothing can prepare you for the unexpected. When you leave the wire you realize that you have no control over your life. It is a sickening feeling if you take time to think about it. That said, I don't.

The ride didn't take all that long but, I could tell for Mahi-Mahi that it was the longest drive of his life. I could see it in his face and I had to act like we were going to the gas station to get some candy. I try and plan our outings so that we can get back behind the wire before dusk. Dusk is when it get's the most dangerous.

I don't know what it takes to be someone who goes outside the wire daily and has to make that trip everyday. I don't think my mind is built for that kind of stress. One thing I can say is that it has taken it's toll. Almost every young guy I know out here has grey hairs. I mean 22 and 23 year olds with grey hair. I've said it before and I'll say it again. America eats its young.