Out here, well it changes you.

I suggest you read that link before you read the rest of my blog entry it makes more sense that way. But, if you don’t read it I’ll give you the summary. It talks about the difficulty that veterans are having as they return from the war. I can really empathize with them. I can understand one level at least what it is like for them. I in no way have experienced exactly what they have experienced but, this environment changes your mentality and your overall outlook on life. The people here rely on their training and that training rubs off on you in a way and as a result you become more martial in your outlook there is less pondering and more moving to action here.


There have been times where a base has taken incoming and I've been outside near that impact. It's either physics or you prayer that kept everyone safe that day but, we just kept camly walking and someone casually stated "I think that was a rocket? I guess whe need to get our flaks and go to our meeting points I'll see you in a bit."

We parted ways and grabbed our gear and that was that. I mean if the same thing happend outside in a mall parking lot there would be mass chaos in the mall. Here with the same level of protection a mall would give us no one would think twice.

I mean it’s bizarre how things are to me now, when I first got here I was freaked out by the number of guns that I’m surrounded by coming from the suburbs when you see handguns and large caliber rifles that is an indication that the communication process failed spectacularly and that you need to be heading the other direction ASAP. Now it’s just another day often times I’ve taken apart and put a weapon back together just to see how to do it.

I often wonder what kind of person am I going to be when I get back, I think I am still the same but at the same time while I've put the world on pause the world has moved on without me. Am I the same Tommie my friends and family still remember? Am I something greater or am I something less? I don't know that anwser. I still question the morality of this as well, I mean even though I'm not the trigger puller my skills have been used to assist in the death of dozens if not hundreds of human beings. I can argue that it's part of the job or that we have to accomplish the mission or that's what we are paid to do but, how will I justify this when it's my turn at the pearly gates. Is it good enough to say to God that I was doing my job? Does God make exceptions for war? How many degrees of seperation is there between the person who fired the bullet and the people that supported the fireing of that bullet? Where does forgiveness begin? What piece of my sould do I have to leave behind in order to make it? These are questions that I don't really have the anwser to and while I don't think of them much I do think of them. I know when I was at home adjustment to the real world was awkward. While I'm quite sure I won't go Deer Hunter that doesn't mean I won't have trouble adjusting I just think I'll do it faster than Matthew Sepi or Daniel Cotnoir.