Limits of your Psyche

As one would suspect this job has a high turnover rate. Occupational hazards aside this job is hardest on families and lovers. One of my co-workers has coined the phrase limits of your psyche. This is the level at which one can reasonably process an action, activity, sound, smell, or vision. Once they breach that limit you can get unexpected results.

One of the FEs that came before me got shell-shocked after a particularly intense shelling. The guy wouldn’t come from up under his bed for a week. Eventually they had to sedate him so they could physically remove him from the room so the can clean him up and send him home. Sounds pathetic from where you and I are sitting but the way I see it this is a textbook example of what happens when someone exceeds the limits of their psyche. What would you do when you are feet away from dying? What goes thru your mind?
To me that doesn’t make him a coward or nut or a fruit or anything like that. It simply means that for this particular situation he was not the right person. All I can say is I never hope I breach my limit. But, January is a long month and I this next week actually has me terrified for all of us out here ask me again in 3 weeks.

And the world spins like my rims...

The best thing about this blog is that I have met a lot of people from all around the world and I love to talk to them all and answer what questions I can. The problem is that the world is on 24 hours a day so it’s always midnight somewhere and it’s always 8:00 somewhere else. I like to get back to people as soon as they email me simply because when people have to wait they worry. That means I’m always around. For example I was chatting with a friend of mine from Melbourne we usually have a window of communication that runs from 12 pm to about 4 pm and 4 is pushing it. Back in the States I usually get a flurry of emails starting about 4 pm and they last till about midnight. Then I get some from Europe that start around thankfully they are pretty much on “regular” time. You can also tell a lot about the patterns of a nation. In the States I get almost all my email during work hours. I get none during the evenings from Europe and from Australia I get almost all my Email during the weekends and nothing during the weekdays. It’s weird to pick up on patterns like that. I can tell that email has evolved in different manners in different parts of the world.



This post is Juicy J approved.

From the Peanut gallery - 01/21/2005

I want to thank you all AGAIN for the second week in a row for all the well wishes and condolences to my family in regarding my Uncle’s loss. I have come to realize over the past week how difficult loss can be and it helps to know that there are people who care enough to...well just care.

Thank you again from the bottom of my heart.

Q:
You all get news out there? I thought everything is censored.

A:
This is a reference to the article that the U.S. is conducting secret missions inside Iran that came out earlier this week that I was discussing at my one of my favorite haunts. But, to answer the question no news isn't censored here we have satellite communication, sat phones, voip phones, email, instant messaging how could news be censored if our families are sending us email all the time. That's not to say that communication isn't monitored that is to say that with technology today there isn't a way to keep information from reaching people here. I am going to do a write up on the 21st century war. I reference it all the time but when I get around to it I'll describe to you how it works around here.

Q:
You are always talking about Choosin' shoes are they a style of shoe of something.

A:
LOL, I try not to laugh at the questions I get but this one almost made me fall out of my chair. Let me explain for the studio audience. Choosin' shoes is a pimp term. When a pimp will always command his hos not to give eye contact to another pimp that is a sign that a pimp doesn't have control of his stable. It is a sign of weakness in the pimp community. Now then when a if you are a pimp and one of your hoes "chooses" to start working for another pimp then she put one a pair of choosin' shoes. In a nut shell that means your girl went decided to take off with another guy.

Q:
How do you know so much about pimps?

A:
Well...

Q:
How are you doing? (In all it's various forms) in relation to my losses

A:
Fine, I think people mistook my crying as me feeling sorry for myself because I'm "stuck" in Iraq. That wasn't the reason. I just had time to stop and think and grieve for my family. I felt bad that people in my family were in pain and I couldn't be there to console them. For all the pain that funerals have I think they also do some good for the survivors. It is a time for friends and family to reconnect and I missed that. As far as me missing home I get homesick all the time there will be times that I call home and my brother and his wife are at my folks house and they are all laughing it up and having a grand olde time and I wish that I could be there but, that's when I'm in Phoenix, I didn't have to come to Iraq to get that feeling.

Q:
You shouldn't suppress your feelings like that.

A:
Well maybe if I was at home I wouldn't have but the bottom line is I have a job to do and my responsibility to my customer comes first. That is my focus. When you come out here you have to put all your hopes and dreams and plan and loves all in an emotional shoebox. You tie this shoebox up and put it under your bed at home and when you come back then you can think about all those things. For you to be effective at your job here you can't spend time focusing on wives and kids and friends, and vacation plans, and what you are going to do with all this money. People depend on you being 100% sharp all the time, you losing your focus means you are setting up to make mistakes and when you make mistake in my job that means people can't get their information. When people don't get their information then someone can die. My situations whatever they may be are past tense. I got guys around me right now that need to get home. That's my focus.

The ironic thing is that if I were at home I probably couldn’t have afforded to attend either one of the funerals. Life is funny like that.

Q:
I have lately been finding Iraqi bloggers to try to get a picture of what in hell is going on in Iraq. I know you see it from one vantage, but I'd like to think we were actually making progress over there.

A:
If you find a blog from an Iraqi that says we are actually making progress then sign me up. I'd like to see this mythical beast as well. Unfortunately the problems are not those of the US Military. The military can only executes the mission defined by the Commander-In-Chief. The way I see it there is nothing that the military can do about it. The situation on the ground is all the fault of poor planning. Regardless how you feel about how the US got here or if it was the "right" thing to do, the reality is that those who were chosen to lead did it poorly.

Finally I would like to say that there has been an historic agreement made between Tommie Hustle and his parents. And I quote -

"All in all we did make you but you have picked up a few things on your
own...don't blame us handsome."

See everything works better when you see it my way.

Then show him how to laugh through the misfortunes of others, you truly are a wonderful God!

From the annals of the insane:
Attorney meets the 'jury pool from hell'

The group of prospective jurors was summoned to listen to a case of Tennessee trailer park violence. Right after jury selection began last week, one man got up and left, announcing, "I'm on morphine and I'm high as a kite." When the prosecutor asked if anyone had been convicted of a crime, a prospective juror said that he had been arrested and taken to a mental hospital after he almost shot his nephew. He said he was provoked because his nephew just would not come out from under the bed. Another would-be juror said he had had alcohol problems and was arrested for soliciting sex from an undercover officer. "I should have known something was up," he said. "She had all her teeth." Another prospect volunteered he probably should not be on the jury: "In my neighborhood, everyone knows that if you get Mr. Ballin(as your lawyer), you're probably guilty." He was not chosen. The case involved a woman accused of hitting her brother's girlfriend in the face with a brick. Ballin's client was found not guilty.

Woman falls to death attempting balcony handstand. Darwin smiles.

Molly Jerman, 23, of Cape Coral died Sunday. While attempting a handstand, she toppled over and dropped to the hotel patio, according to the Lee County sheriff's department. Just before she fell, she had called out to a friend, "Watch to see what I can still do," a police report said. Foul play is not believed to be involved, officials said.

I can't make this stuff up true believers.

And pick him up after you kicked him around.

If you all have been keeping up with my endeavors you know that I had a surprise gift for my mom well here it is.




I got her an Apple iBook 12"

I’m a little devil. I called home yesterday morning all serious and stuff. I told my Mom I have an important package that is coming to the house from UPS. It is an important government package that I must transfer through you. It is the safest means that I can get this package. Can you do it?

She was like, “Yes, Son whatever you need me to do I can do it.”

I said, “This is very important Mom, the Nation depends on me getting this package and I’m depending on you. The future of the nation depends on you.”

“I’ll, do everything I can to help Son,” she said. She was exasperated still coming to grips that the “football” was coming to her home. It took all my strength to keep from busting out laughing.

I spent all day yesterday refreshing the tracking on UPS.com waiting for the package to be delivered and it finally was at 3:43pm EST. I called back home to see if my Mom opened it yet and she didn’t pick up the phone. I was assuming that she was on the phone with my Dad because I called him and he didn’t pick up either.

So I call back about 30 minutes later and ask her if she opened the box yet. She said no. My Dad told her to wait till he got home to open the box because they didn’t know what it was. I’m laughing my ass off because it is so funny to me that I have them totally gassed at this point. She thought she was getting ready to save the country and be a big shero, on the news doing interviews, making book deals and stuff.

Finally my Dad gets home and they open the box. I think I called about 3 minutes or so after they opened it. They still thought that it was for me in Iraq. Then I think my Dad figured it was for him and he got exited (seems like two people I know don’t read the blog enough). Then I told them to read the card and it said.

“Mom I know you say Dad is on the computer all the time and you never get to use it at home well now with your new computer you don’t have an excuse.

Love,

Tommie”

Oh you should have heard the shock in their voices to me it was pure joy.I mean they sounded like two kids on Christmas morning.Then I talked to my Dad and he just had a sound in his voice like he couldn’t believe it that this was happening to him. It was such a great moment in my life, personally.

In my home we aren’t really big on gifts. The reason being is that my folks don’t like for people to spend money on them for what they consider trinkets. It has rubbed off on my brother and I as well. To me, keep your money and get something for yourself or for your kids I don’t need anything, I have a job and anything I REALLY want you can’t afford. If you ask me what I want I will generally say nothing. Those rules don’t apply to children however we are known to spoil kids silly. I think it’s the magic of gifts that you only get from kids that make it worth it, they don't really comprehend bills and money and responsibility and things like that to them it's just fun stuff for me, I like to make kids feel that way and I was able to do it for my folks today.

My folks are the type that if I had told them that I was getting that for them they would tell me no. You can’t give them stuff you have to sneak it in. My Dad thanked me for this gift and I had never heard such pure appreciation ever before. However, that isn’t his gift that is his. It's his wife’s gift if she wants to share with him then she can. But, the whole thing was great it has had me smiling all day. Like I said that is my Mom’s gift I can wait for my Dad to get his gift. This is what life is about to me. It’s about making people’s days by doing the unexpected. Yesterday this job became worth it if only for that moment.

God, you sure know how to kick a guy when he's down.

Not even 10 minutes after I finish posting up my last post my partner T-Money shoots me an email to tell me that they have to put his dog Rocky to sleep becasue he was sick. And then about 30 minutes later he emails me back to tell they just put him to sleep. I think his Dad, C-Money took it hard. It's just so sad, I'm not a big animal lover by any stretch but, to lose a loved one no matter what form it is in is just sad. The good thing is Rocky lived to be 10, which is a ripe old age for a dog methinks.

Fried Chicken, rice, black-eyed peas, ribs, and watermelon

That's what they had in the chow hall today. Coincidence that it is Martin Luther King Jr. Day? I think not.

Today I broke down. As you well know I've had a string of deaths in my in my family and I've been working extra hard to keep my mind off of it. Plus, when you are around co-workers and Marines 24/7 you don't want to appear "weak". Well tonight the guys I work with didn't go to chow so I walked by myself to the chow hall. I was cool but when I got my plate I started thinking of home. This is a meal that my Mom would cook for us on Sundays and at first I'm thinking to myself this is nowhere as good as my Mom's black-eyed peas and the next thing I know tears are welling up in my eyes. This brief moment alone gave me time to think about my family and I started to grieve. I was too choked up to eat anymore I got up from the table as quickly as I could so no one could see me and started my walk back to the office. With no one around, in the pitch black dark of a cold Iraqi night I cried. I cried for my cousin, I cried for my uncle, I cried for my family,I cried for myself. I miss home.

I want my Mommy.